In the movie “Ordinary People,” a teenage Timothy Hutton goes to a psychiatrist played by Judd Hirsch. Conrad (Hutton) tells his doctor he wants to be more in control of his life. Hirsch responds that will take several sessions because “control is a tough nut to crack” (I wish Hirsch was my therapist).
Control is definitely a tough nut to crack! And sometimes when life gets hard, you’re left feeling like you have little control over anything. For me, it can be a slippery slope from feeling out of control to complete overwhelm.
I did something new today. I took a free yoga class that focused on relaxation and releasing control. I thought a lot during that hour. And while I realize the point of the class is to clear my mind, what I thought about was how I can’t control others or certain situations; but I can control myself and how I respond to them.
For example …
I can’t control if somebody will behave like a decent human. But I can control how I react to that person’s behavior. I can’t control if a person will respond to my reasonable request. But I can lower my expectations so I’m not disappointed. I can’t control when money comes into my bank account. But I can do the work to make sure it gets there; and know it will, eventually, get there.
I can’t control that my 14-year-old dog has more accidents in the house than I want to clean up. But I can accept the fact that she’s not doing it on purpose, be stocked up on paper towels and cleaner, and be so grateful she’s still with me.
I can’t control when anxiety or sadness hits me. But I can go easy on myself and know it’s okay to feel the emotions. I can go for a run or practice yoga. Or listen to music and write to work through the day. And I can remember that, while it may not seem like it in the moment, things will be okay in the long run.