Today I boarded a plane to San Diego. Yes, it’s the day after the election. Yes, we’re in a pandemic. Yes, I’m incredibly anxious. But I’m done living in fear.
I haven’t been to San Diego in two years or seen my dad in that same amount of time. I haven’t seen my mom in over a year. My parents are 74 years old, and the way things are with travel and the world right now, it’s a sobering reality that I may not see them for a long time.
I’ll be 45 years old this week and for most of my life, fear kept me from making choices and doing things I knew were best for me. But life happens …
When I was 40, I left home and moved to Indiana. I was terrified but I survived, and thrived.
When I was 43, I left my marriage and shattered my daughter’s idea of her life, family and security. I was terrified but I survived, and Sophie is thriving.
When I was 44, I embarked on a 100k (62 mile) trail run, a physical challenge I never thought possible. I was terrified, but I survived (only made it to 52 miles but it was one of the most meaningful experiences of my life).
We’ve been told not to travel. I was questioned about why I’m flying the day after a contentious election and in a country that is extremely divided.
But I am making the choice to stop living in fear. I can’t go back to before March 16, 2020, the day Indiana went on lockdown and my life changed in a variety of ways. I am done waiting for life to go back to “normal” when it may never.
Yes, I may get COVID; and if I do, I’ll deal with it just like I’ve dealt with everything else. And if that’s what ultimately leads to my demise, then that’s what the universe intended for me. Yes, I may encounter protests, riots and flight delays. But this country gives us the right to free speech and assembly (my life’s work is based on that principle). And me living in fear will not stop the world from turning.
I’m still scared of so much that’s out of my control, and I don’t do well with ambiguity. But I can’t block what I don’t want to see and deal with. All I can control is myself and my mindset. And I need to push through fear, and believe that I’ll survive; just like I did all those terrifying times before.