My Apologies to the Football Fans

It’s football season. I know. Oh, the team spirit, the food, the Sunday afternoon television ritual. But you know what? I’m just not a football person and I could care less about it.

Before you read on, here’s my disclaimer: I apologize in advance to all you football fans. I’m not criticizing the teams or any of you. This is all about me and my disdain of team sports and my participation in them.

And it’s not just football. Come to think of it, I’m not a sporting person of any kind for that matter. I’m an indoor kinda girl. Always have been; always will be.

I don’t care much about baseball. I did jump on the Padres band-wagon in 1998 when they made it to the World Series. Basketball is not my thing either (Although Hoosiers is a favorite movie). I never played soccer as a kid. But I did watch my sisters’ Saturday games. I took tennis lessons one year. I quit when they made us run. Then there was my sophomore year of high school when I decided to “reinvent myself” and try out for volleyball. I liked volleyball, I thought. This couldn’t be too bad. Well it was. The running. The drills. I was so sore at the end of that day and didn’t show up for Day 2 of try-outs.

I don’t even want to talk about the time I tried to ski in Lake Tahoe. Suffice it to say I thought Bryan was going to leave me when I had a serious panic attack on the ski lift that left him in utter confusion. I have a fear of heights. Poor Bryan didn’t know.

Swimming … not really. I had a pool growing up, so that was my water fix. I’ll also pass on biking. I barely saw Bryan the few years he cycled nearly every day and competed on weekends. Luckily he wasn’t heart-broken when I didn’t go to his races. I’m glad he’s given up that hobby.

And let me tell you, I also hated Physical Education (P.E.) when I was a kid. Really; I HATED it! With a passion! Really, what is so “educational” about that hour of the day when I had to change out of my clothes in a nasty locker room, go outside in the heat, and play some sport I had absolutely no interest in. I used to pray for illness or injury to get out of P.E. The week I had surgery on my big toe in middle school was the best week of that year. I stayed in the library the P.E. period for an entire week.

The absolute worst was the weekly “running of the mile.” Now this was pure torture. It was like those coaches threw us out there just to kill us. Come to think of it, I don’t think those coaches ever taught running and conditioning. They just expected every kid to run a mile in record time. I always came in last with my 15-minute mile. It was so embarrassing! One time, a coach actually told me I didn’t have to finish because I was taking too long. Victory!

The worst was having P.E. first period. I mean, what was the point of getting dressed and fixing your hair and make-up in the morning just go to P.E.?! P.E. before lunch was the best arrangement. That way, if you were sweaty and gross from running the mile, you didn’t have to go straight to American Literature where that boy you liked sat one desk away. The ideal hook-up was P.E. at the end of the day. But that was reserved for the kids on sports teams. I contemplated playing a sport for that reason alone.

I was always picked last for every team. And really, I don’t blame any of my former high school classmates. I sucked and never put much effort into it either. High school was a much happier place for me my junior year, when P.E. became an elective. I elected out of it for good.

So again, I apologize to you sports fans out there. I’m glad you find so much joy in watching the teams. And to you San Diegans, thank you for rooting for the home-team Chargers.

On that note, I will say that I do look forward to Super Bowl Sunday (although I had no idea until the actual day who was playing this year). And I wait in great anticipation for the Chargers to go to the championships. Why? Because those game days are the best for Costco and the malls. Stores without crowds and empty parking lots mean a very happy Leah. Sorry, that’s just how I play.

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