I was watching “This is Us” a few weeks ago and one of the characters asked a question that made me pause and write it down.
“When is it that we want to stop seeing reflections of ourselves?”
The character who said it was a former photographer who used to take photos of herself, before they were called selfies. I’ve been thinking about that question recently, especially when those social media “10 year challenges” come up.
Ten years ago was 2012. And when I went to look for a 2012 selfie, I had a really hard time finding one. Sure, selfies were not the thing they are now. Phone cameras were not nearly as advanced. Was I even using an iPhone then? Maybe it was a Blackberry.
But for me, I think it was more than that. I wasn’t even in a lot of photos back then. I don’t think I wanted to be seen. Or, I don’t think I thought of myself as someone that should be seen. Maybe I didn’t want to see myself.
It’s hard for me to look at photos of myself from those years. I think the woman ten years younger in those pictures knew she was unhappy. Or maybe more specifically, she knew she wasn’t at peace. But she didn’t allow herself to think about why. She wasn’t ready for that.
It hurts to see those photos at times. But I won’t delete them either. Because she deserves to be loved and seen, even if she didn’t feel that way then.
And what’s more important, is that now, today, I like to take a good selfie. I like to see myself. I like the reflection of myself.
